The 2025 Eddies

By Eddie Whitlock

Well, it’s not the FIFA Peace Prize, but it’s all I’ve got.

​Here are my awards for 2025. Let’s start with the world of politics.

​In general, it was a horrible year in politics. Donald Trump returned to the White House in much the same way an infestation of roaches will return if you don’t properly address the problem the first time it appears.

​The award for best appearance by a loser wanting to look tough: Pete Hegseth, the Secretary of the Department of White Claw who couldn’t get an audience of generals to clap. It was painful to watch. Haven’t the members of our military suffered enough?

​Best nomination withdrawal: The Highly Unqualified Matt Gaetz, who withdrew from consideration to be the Attorney General because of sexual misconduct allegations. Instead, we got Pam Bondi. Wow. The punchline here is “Pam Bondi.”

​Best Six Days of the Term So Far: When Trump was not seen for six consecutive days beginning in late August, the worst was feared. And sure enough, he was back on the seventh day, proving those fears true.

​Best scam using imaginary money: The First Lady, Melania Trump, debuted her crypto coin which reached a high value of $13.73 before dropping to its current value of about eleven cents. I don’t really understand crypto, but I understand a good scam. Congrats, First Lady!

​Best performance by a cabinet member hoping to prove himself unfit for the post: There were lots of competitors for this one, but the judges have selected Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., who swam in the sewage-filled waters of Rock Creek Park. It wasn’t a lost bet, a drunken dare, or anything like that. His kids swam, too. He’s the Secretary of Health and Human Services. It’s amazing that his title includes three things he does not understand.

​I awarded this one prematurely, but once it’s in writing, I go with it. Best quotation: Education Secretary Linda McMahon who referenced the “c-word,” saying, “I don’t play one! I am one!” Then I found out the c-word here was actually theabbreviation “CEO.” ​

​Best PDA of the year goes to J.D. Vance, who hugged the widow of Charlie Kirk so tight that his wife’s wedding ring popped off. Okay, that was a cheap shot. Usha Vance assures the public that she forgot to wear her wedding ring the next day, and that she loves Jimmy Bowman just as much now as the day she married James D. Hamel.

​I want to give Mike “There are a lot of people in Washington who say things that are not accurate all the time” Johnson an award. I am still trying to find an accomplishment of his.

​This year’s Pot>Kettle>Black award goes to Donald Trump, who nicknamed his Oval Office predecessor “Sleepy Joe.” Trump has dozed off during so many public events this year that he’s been fitted with a pulse-monitor that feeds information directly to Moscow.

​Best proof we’re not a cult: Bill Clinton showed up in photos from the Epstein Files. This was met with cries of “Prosecute him, too.”

​I’ll end the political stuff there because I want to mention the arts, such as they are.

​The best movie I saw in 2015 was “Frankenstein” as imagined by Guillermo Del Toro. It was surprisingly good. It included quite a bit from Mary Shelley’s 1818 novel, but it added a couple of new elements that made for a good story. The mad doctor’s love interest Elizabeth was a surprisingly strong character. And the ending left open the door to “Frankenstein II: Dr. Pretorious Builds a Bride.” I’m currently drafting a script that I plan to give Mr. Del Toro if he ever returns my calls.

​The worst movie I saw was “Farkham Hall.” Jimmy Carr is an offensive English comedian who – along with some other fellows – wrote the script. I like Jimmy Carr’s comedy, but this movie was really a disappointment. The worst part of all? I saw it in a theater! I bought a large popcorn! It was an expensive disappointment.

​In the world of sports, Super Bowl LIX occurred. I did not watch it, but my understanding is that the MAGA crowd did not appreciate the halftime entertainment. The NFL is doing a special halftime for the 2026 for MAGA entitled SUGITE, VICTOS. The name apparently means something in Latin American.

​There is no “Greatest Artwork of 2025” because artificial intelligence has officially taken over the field. By simply downloading a free program, you can create “art” on par with anyone else who downloads this same software. ​

​That’s it. If you didn’t get an Eddie Award this year and would like to be considered for one in 2026, do something. I would really like more positives in next year’s compilation.

Eddie Whitlock is a Georgia native, a graduate of UGA, and wannabe writer. He retired in 2021 from the Athens-Clarke County Library, where he worked as coordinator of volunteers, community service supervisor, and vending machine scapegoat.